Letting our kids learn the hard way can make all the difference in the world!

I read an article from the last local South Lyon Herald and I couldn't help but share my thoughts about it. The article was written by guest writer, Chad Scaling, Principle of South Lyon High School. It was titled "Letting children manage their own mistakes leads to resiliency." If you have not had a chance to read it, here's the link:
http://www.hometownlife.com/article/20111208/NEWS19/112080415/Letting-children-manage-their-own-mistakes-leads-resiliency

I am so glad that Mr. Scaling felt it important to share his thoughts because I couldn't agree more!

The article speaks to how the kids of today are often shielded from their mistakes; from toughing out difficult situations; from accepting consequences resulting from negative actions, etc.  He sights a study which shows that it's important for kids to learn from their mistakes. That letting them "find their way" will make them more apt to adjust to life in college and as adults. And another study which suggest that by allowing our kids to deal with the day to day stresses that come their way, will better equip them to become more resilient and able to cope with life's challenges. And on the flip side, even with the best intentions, a parent constantly running interference for their child will most often cause more harm than good!

I don't know about you, but as much as I love having my kids around, I hope at some point they will be ready to create a life for themselves outside the home they grew up in. And even better, that I as a parent played an important part in effectively equipping them with the social and mental skills to do so successfully! I understand completely the temptation to shield our kids, especially from making the same mistakes that we may have made. However, I also realize that some of these mistakes and the results that came from them made me the person I am today. Not perfect, by any means, but all in all, a positive addition to the workforce and hopefully society!

 I would never condone letting anyone, let alone a child to put themselves in a truly harmful situation. But, I do suggest things like letting them live with the consequences for not doing their homework or studying for a test; giving guidance but not interfering in problems with friends; insisting they keep their commitment to a team sport by not skipping practice or dropping the sport all together when the going gets tough, etc. As cliche as it sounds, letting our kids learn from mistakes as well as pushing through mentally and/or physically challenging situations really does build character!

As parents and educators, we have the chance to give our kids the "leg" up on life without constantly feeling the need to hold them on our shoulders at all times. We can do this by encouraging them when they are acting responsibly and ethically; by letting them learn from the consequences of poor decisions or behavior; by having them own up to their mistakes and make amends when necessary; by letting them know that we accept them for who they are and will always be there for them; and yes, even by letting them in on some of our biggest blunders so that they know even their seemingly know-all adult influences make mistakes too!

So yeah, I can appreciate Mr. Scaling's article. And I hope that anyone reading his words, or mine, can also appreciate how our actions can have a huge impact on the development of our kids... either positively or negatively. That we can avoid the concept as Mr. Scaling put it, of "endless adolescence" but instead, give our kids the means, the tools and the confidence necessary to transition into adulthood. And make it successfully... through high school, perhaps college, in their careers, as parents and through life! Next time someone under your care or instruction asks you to help aid and abed them on a path towards "never ending adolescence" what will you do???  Here are a few words from a woman who understood the meaning of feeling her own way through life, literally.

 Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. Helen Keller

Speaking of success.  If you know anyone that I could help achieve success with the sale and/or purchase of their home, please pass along their info to me, or mine to them! I am ready to help!

Yours in service,

Lee Ann Capp-Tolinski
Keller Williams Realty Northville
248-504-6615
Cappski@kw.com

Have you discovered South Lyon yet???

Hello to all of my South Lyon Area friends and all of you fabulous people living and working out here on the West Side of the Metro Detroit Area!! If you haven't discovered my little town of South Lyon yet, you are missing out! I could go on and on about the whole area, but right now I'm concentrating on the Downtown. The adorable area where our residents and visitors come to shop at one of our many retail stores; Dine "casually" or a little "finer" in a great variety of restaurants; Get gorgeous in one of our salons or spas; Get in shape with yoga or at a health facility; Catch up on life with a friend over coffee and a treat; Get creative in our pottery or craft shop and so much more!! There are outdoor markets, parades and festivals for every season. We have shops and businesses that offer books, dolls, toys, clothing, compound medicines, jewelry, vacation packages, computers, beauty products, bicycles, insurance, hardware, baked goods... You name it. We have all of the trendy and up-to-date products, services and amenities people of today look for to live, work and enjoy life.

Yet, we have a type of charm that a more modern appearing city may not offer. For instance, I don't think I'll ever get tired of admiring the architecture of all of our historic and early century homes. Especially with all the beautiful decor at this time of year!  It's fun to imagine the families that lived there so many years ago. Their life-styles different, perhaps, but most likely having some of the same concerns we have today over monthly debts, the health or our loved ones, the education of our children... etc.

And way back when, many of those families could enjoy a short stroll to town and spend time together in some of the very locations that still stand today.  And one of those familiar places happens to be one of my favorites! 101 S. Lafayette Place has been home to many businesses including: the old South Lyon Pharmacy, a jewelry store, a Robert Kincaid Art Studio; The Gallery Frame Shop, and at one time, under my ownership, The Gallery Cafe! And now this cozy little spot on the corner of Lake Street and S. Lafayette, houses The Tuscan Cafe. Much like it's predecessor, the Tuscan offers specialty coffee, lattes, cappuccinos, to-die-for sandwiches, hot panini's, Guernsey ice cream and sinfully delicious baked goods from Zingerman's Bakery! Can you say "yummmm?!?" lol.

Speaking of the Tuscan Cafe, if you haven't been there yet this month, (or ever!) please stop by and make sure you enter this month's drawing I'm sponsoring before you leave! Every month I put a "fish bowl" out for customer's to drop a business card or entry form in for a chance to win a $25 Tuscan Gift Card. Just think.. $25 could buy lots of baked goods and coffee for you or someone you love!
And by the way, if you do stop by the Tuscan, be sure to check out Glazy Days Pottery in the back. Whether you are looking for a great gift idea, a place to have a birthday party or just want to spend a few hours getting creative, Glazy Days is the perfect spot!

Anyway, now that I've told you so many great things about my hometown... Don't take my word for it! If you've never been to South Lyon, come on over and experience what I love for yourself. If you live here and don't shop or eat here... why not? It's never too late to discover what's been right in front of you unless it's gone! And the last time I checked, the City of South Lyon is thriving and open for business!! Hope to see you there :)

Last but not least, if you are interested in buying or selling real estate in the South Lyon area, or you know someone who is... Give me a call or shoot me an email. I know the area and I'm ready to help!

Old friends and some positive reinforcement!

One of my favorite things is when you run into someone you haven't seen for a while but you would never know it because from the minute you stand in front of each other its just like "old times!" There are many different people that I can say I have this relationship with and I truly value each and every one of them!

Some of the coolest would be that of friends that I have worked with in the Real Estate businesses. There is nothing like the camaraderie that comes along with people who understand the "battles" that are fought out there... especially in these challenging times! But even better than that... is to be in the company of those people who keep a positive attitude... despite the challenge.

I don't know about you.... but for me, I can't have enough of those types of people in my life. There's nothing worse than tyring to keep a positive momentum going and running into the "negative Ned" type personality. It's like hitting a brick wall! No matter what the situation, there is no bright side for them. The market is the worst ever. There is "no" business to be had out there. Every one's credit is bad. Home values are so low NO ONE wants to sell... blah blah blah blah blah!!!

Hang around that person long enough and I would set my "for sale" signs at the curb and go for "unemployment!" Seriously. It doesn't matter if you are in real estate sales, car sales, retail sales or having a bake sale for goodness sakes! If you want to make the business... or "whatever" work for you, get back to the basics and make it work! Real estate or the majority of any other types of business out there is probably not going to "jump in your lap." Just because there are not buyers crawling out of the woodwork, doesn't mean they are not out there. Just because a home might not be worth as much today as it was a few years ago doesn't mean that there are not still people out there that need to move. The last time I checked, old broken down cars need to be replaced by new ones at some point! Life goes on. There are still plenty of opportunities out there. It's just you have to be willing to do a little work to get one! And I'll bet if you took a survey of those who are getting those opportunities, it's not gonna be the "negative Ned" that spent the last hour crying about how he had no business instead of getting out there and finding some!

I know.... I know.... Sometimes keeping a positive attitude is not always easy. Never said it was. And I don't think that every time you repeat self-affirmations you are sure to have a "million dollar" day... but I would be willing to bet on the days you tell yourself your are going to fail... you will! Besides, who wants to be with and/or do business with someone who always sees the glass as half empty?!? Not me.

Think about it. Have you ever been in a really really good mood, the job is going great, you are in a wonderful relationship, it seems that you have the world by the tail and life just couldn't get any better and then..... it happens. You get caught up in a conversation with someone who just can't seem to catch a break. Their car has broken down for the third time this month; Their boss just passed them over for  the promotion they were supposed to get and gave it to the new guy; Their spouse just doesn't understand them any more... and on and on and on. And suddenly, that feeling of being on top of the world feels more like a downward spiral as you start to feel that all this "happiness" can't last because after all, the world is going to hell in a hand basket and you might as well just stop trying because any good fortune you have is going to be short-lived and replaced by the same type of "woes" the rest of the schmucks out there have! phewww! Exhausting right?

Well, as "simple" as it sounds... is really as simple as it truly is. Hang with the negative Ned.. and become him! And just as simply... Hang around with "positive pat" and become him! ... or her! lol. Seriously, try it. Especially if life has been a little less than "friendly" to you. Make a point to surround yourself with people who leave you with the sense of being "raised" up instead of those who leave you with the sense of having an elephant sitting on your chest!

I do try to take my own advice. But once in a while I am reminded by some especially wonderful friends just how significant and important it is to surround myself by those who make me feel good about myself and about what I am capable of. There is nothing more invigorating than being around the type of people that I strive to be like. Remember... what you concentrate on expands! If that is true... you can bet that the type of people you have "feeding" your brain are gonna have an impact on what kind of day you're gonna have...one way or another! With that being said... By all means... find yourself a couple of "positive pats" like I did today and make it the best day you can. And keep in mind that surrounding yourself on a regular basis with people who lift you up will take you to heights you never imagined possible until you allowed them to be!

So, thanks old friends, for taking an otherwise cold, rainy day and making it a warm and sunny one all the same! There's nothing like being caught up in the laughter and good conversation with great friends to start off the makings of a fantastic week!

P.S. If you know of anyone in need of a "positive" Realtor's services...  By all means pass their number along or give them mine. I'm ready to help!

South Lyon and the charm of one of it's neighboring attractions!

As many places as I go to show and sell houses, it's always such a joy to do so in South Lyon.  I love the city of South Lyon. Especially the heart of the downtown.  But what I consider to be "South Lyon" is more than just the 3.5 sq. miles that officially define the "city." We are surrounded by many many miles of townships and municipalities that all share something in common... The South Lyon Community School System! All of South Lyon, Lyon Twp and New Hudson and parts of Green Oak, Salem and Northfield Twp are within the South Lyon Community School District. So, when I talk about being the "South Lyon Area" Realtor... I'm talking about the city itself as well as all of the surrounding communities which may be similar to South Lyon by way of their "charm" but each offering it's own unique character and flare!

One of those areas of "character" would be Salem Twp. Although the Village of Salem itself has much history and charm to speak of, I thought it was appropriate to tell you about a particular place in Salem Township that has been getting quite a bit of attention lately... but for unfortunate reasons.

That place is the Three Cedars Farm, located in Salem Twp on the corner of 6 mile and Angle Rd. Maybe you've been there?  It's owned and operated by Gary and Sherry Whittaker who live on the property in the breathtaking old farmhouse they lovingly restored. And you cannot miss the huge red barn which has housed many a square dance, wedding, charity function and countless other events for families, groups, city entities and charitable organizations.

During the fall there are hay rides and corn mazes, bonfires as well as a pumpkin patch and a cider mill offering fresh cider and donuts. The Christmas Season is one that brings people from all over to see the thousands of lights, spectacular holiday decor, the larger than life Nativity scene and a chance for the little ones to visit Santa and Mrs. Clause. Whether you enjoy sleigh rides or hay rides, the Three Cedars Farm has something for all ages, including a charming general store offering handmade crafts, home decor and delightful penny candy and other treats!

If you've had the pleasure of experiencing this little country getaway as myself and my family has, you know what a treasure it has become to the area. If you have not yet had the chance, and what I have told you so far has made you want to come and see for yourself.... I'm sorry but that is not possible this Christmas season. Why? Well.... apparently after 9 years of operating under it's original "Agricultural" classification, some of the powers that be decided they needed to change the rules for this family run business.

Without getting into the "politics" of it all and whether or not it's right for such a business to ever have operated under such guidelines, I find it a shame that this situation should come up just before the holiday season that so many people were looking forward to sharing within the fences of this delightful establishment. While I fear it is too late for this Christmas season, I hope that the motives of the township officials are pure and they will be forthcoming and quick when working with the Whittaker's on resolving this issue. Not only does the Three Cedars Farm offer fun for the public ... it also gives of itself and it's profits to organizations who help those in need. And the longer the operation stays closed, the more the organizations that count on the Whittaker's generous donations generated by Three Cedars will suffer.

While the city of South Lyon and the surrounding areas will all have plenty to offer this holiday season... and I DO hope you will find the time to come join us... I also hope that by this time next year, you will be able to enjoy and share in all that is offered by the Whittaker's and what they've built with their hands, heart and soul at the Three Cedars Farm!
For more information about Three Cedars visit this link:
http://threecedarsfarm.org/index.asp

If you are thinking of buying or selling in South Lyon or any of the surrounding areas... call me...

 Lee Ann Capp-Tolinski...

Your South Lyon Area Expert!

248-504-6615 or email me at cappski@msn.com.

Got Fear?? Get Over It!!

So, I had this "fear" ... Not that it's completely gone.. and we don't even need to put a name on it just now... But I made a huge step towards squashing it today. There are so many parts to my job that I love to do and I would do them all day long if I could... especially when it involves being face to face with people.. and/or watching someone's reaction when we find that perfect house; Or helping first-time buyers get into the home that they plan to start their family in... Or helping a seller transition from the home they've watched their children grow up in to something more fitting for a "new lifestyle" ... And yes, even the occasional dinner awarded after taking the time to personally help a client move in or out of a home! Been there and done all of the above and more... and have loved most every minute of it!

Then there's the other stuff. The prospecting, the cold calling and even the warm calling. Not my favorite.. not by a long shot! What's the big deal? For alot of people maybe it's not... For me... ugh. The thought of picking up the phone to call some unsuspecting soul in order to see if I might be of some service to them sends shivers up and down my spine... For the love of god... why should I call them if they haven't expressed a need??

As my business coach says... "That is your "drunk monkey" talkin' on your shoulder!" I know what you're thinking... Just like me when I first heard that... What the heck is a drunk monkey?? lol.  Well, after I got used to the term, I came to realize that we all have one. Whether it's been at a job, or perhaps a social or family situation... we have all experienced a "drunk monkey" talking to us! This is the little guy (voice) that talks to us and tries to convince us why we shouldn't attempt to do some of the things we know we have to do in order to succeed! Know what I'm talking about now? Well, for me, when it comes to picking up that phone, it's not the heaviness of the phone that stops me... It's that darn drunk monkey! And my drunk monkey has a very very large "fear of rejection." Fear that someone might feel my message is not worth hearing... or that I am "bothering" the person on the other end of the line... etc.

So... today, I ignored the monkey. I picked up the phone and made calls... and calls... and calls. And yes, it's possible that not everyone was thrilled to death to hear from me... but.. there is another side! During my dialing "binge" I discovered something.. Or maybe because it had been such a long time, I was just "reminded" of something....There were people who actually were happy I called... Some because they simply love to keep "updated" on what's happening in Real Estate and others just because they hadn't heard from me in so long they were just happy to say hello! Hmmm. Imagine that!! Granted... today did not result in an immediate listing or an immediate sale... but I did make some new connections as well as some re-connections that will be of immeasureable value for reasons both personally and professionally.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... "Got fear?" You need to get over it. How? Well, another thing that my coach said really hit home.. You will force yourself to get over the "fear" when the "pain" of staying stuck in the same spot out-weighs that which you are afraid of! Wow right?!?! The only weight I needed to get off my shoulder was that of my darn drunk monkey! lol. I'm not gonna pretend that he won't quietly creep up there again, but I have a feeling that next time, he will be much much easier to push off!
So... what's your drunk monkey saying to you?? I would love to hear from you! In the meantime... here's a few quotes that others have uttered that may help...

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Marcus Aurelius

And last but not least... for my "warrior women" out there...

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Why Rent When You Can Pay Less to OWN?!?!

With many people upside down or underwater with their mortgage, it's no suprise that the rental market has seen a big rise these past several years. For many, leasing has been the best option to "maintain a familiar lifestyle" without the ability to obtain a mortgage. BUT... here's what is happening now.....

Many of you have been leasing for long enough that getting that mortgage may just be possible... and it that's the case.... THERE IS NO BETTER TIME TO BUY THAN NOW! For instance, my Milford buyer I spoke of a few months back.... is mortgaging just under $100,000 and their P & I will be $511 per month! Even with taxes and insurance added on this would be a payment most people would kill to have!

With interest rates at a still almost record low and the cost of housing still being very favorable to a buyer.... If you even suspect that you could qualify for a mortgage at this point in your financial life.... why not find out if you can?

Don't waste another month that you don't have to be paying rent if what you really want is to own your home. Call me to discuss the "possibilties" in further detail and/or let me get you in touch with a financial representative that can let you know where you stand today!

As always, I am here if you need me. Helping you realize your real estate dream.. one step at a time!

Offer Accepted...

Regarding, the Milford offer I mentioned in my last entry "Who Says Homes Aren't Selling?!?!"....There were 4 bids on this home I described as a "little gem" in Milford.. My clients offer was one of them.. And I couldn't have been happier to tell them that their offer was the one the seller accepted! Purchase Agreement down... Inspection, Financing and Appraisal to go! Seriously... hearing the pure joy on the other end of the phone is the reason I love doing what I do so so much!

How bout you? Looking to purchase and/or sell a home.  Let me help you... one step at a time... get to the next chapter in your life!