Letting our kids learn the hard way can make all the difference in the world!

I read an article from the last local South Lyon Herald and I couldn't help but share my thoughts about it. The article was written by guest writer, Chad Scaling, Principle of South Lyon High School. It was titled "Letting children manage their own mistakes leads to resiliency." If you have not had a chance to read it, here's the link:
http://www.hometownlife.com/article/20111208/NEWS19/112080415/Letting-children-manage-their-own-mistakes-leads-resiliency

I am so glad that Mr. Scaling felt it important to share his thoughts because I couldn't agree more!

The article speaks to how the kids of today are often shielded from their mistakes; from toughing out difficult situations; from accepting consequences resulting from negative actions, etc.  He sights a study which shows that it's important for kids to learn from their mistakes. That letting them "find their way" will make them more apt to adjust to life in college and as adults. And another study which suggest that by allowing our kids to deal with the day to day stresses that come their way, will better equip them to become more resilient and able to cope with life's challenges. And on the flip side, even with the best intentions, a parent constantly running interference for their child will most often cause more harm than good!

I don't know about you, but as much as I love having my kids around, I hope at some point they will be ready to create a life for themselves outside the home they grew up in. And even better, that I as a parent played an important part in effectively equipping them with the social and mental skills to do so successfully! I understand completely the temptation to shield our kids, especially from making the same mistakes that we may have made. However, I also realize that some of these mistakes and the results that came from them made me the person I am today. Not perfect, by any means, but all in all, a positive addition to the workforce and hopefully society!

 I would never condone letting anyone, let alone a child to put themselves in a truly harmful situation. But, I do suggest things like letting them live with the consequences for not doing their homework or studying for a test; giving guidance but not interfering in problems with friends; insisting they keep their commitment to a team sport by not skipping practice or dropping the sport all together when the going gets tough, etc. As cliche as it sounds, letting our kids learn from mistakes as well as pushing through mentally and/or physically challenging situations really does build character!

As parents and educators, we have the chance to give our kids the "leg" up on life without constantly feeling the need to hold them on our shoulders at all times. We can do this by encouraging them when they are acting responsibly and ethically; by letting them learn from the consequences of poor decisions or behavior; by having them own up to their mistakes and make amends when necessary; by letting them know that we accept them for who they are and will always be there for them; and yes, even by letting them in on some of our biggest blunders so that they know even their seemingly know-all adult influences make mistakes too!

So yeah, I can appreciate Mr. Scaling's article. And I hope that anyone reading his words, or mine, can also appreciate how our actions can have a huge impact on the development of our kids... either positively or negatively. That we can avoid the concept as Mr. Scaling put it, of "endless adolescence" but instead, give our kids the means, the tools and the confidence necessary to transition into adulthood. And make it successfully... through high school, perhaps college, in their careers, as parents and through life! Next time someone under your care or instruction asks you to help aid and abed them on a path towards "never ending adolescence" what will you do???  Here are a few words from a woman who understood the meaning of feeling her own way through life, literally.

 Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. Helen Keller

Speaking of success.  If you know anyone that I could help achieve success with the sale and/or purchase of their home, please pass along their info to me, or mine to them! I am ready to help!

Yours in service,

Lee Ann Capp-Tolinski
Keller Williams Realty Northville
248-504-6615
Cappski@kw.com